dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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