you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
