is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
