I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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