If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
