i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
