u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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