just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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