oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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