In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
