I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
