The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just cut my nipple shaving
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
