come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
