I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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