ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
