never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im calling her cock vulture from now on
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize