and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
