noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
