Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
