i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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