I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You pole danced in your parka.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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