i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
