she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
