The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?