Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
