Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
