So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?