So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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