Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
