I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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