Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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