My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
