You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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