Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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