i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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