dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
