I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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