ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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