Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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