Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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