My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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