We're facebook friends in real life
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
