I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
