Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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