She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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