mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
