I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
