I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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