Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
