i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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