It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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