No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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