I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
