were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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