buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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