I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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