Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We need a shit load of segways right now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
