I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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