when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
