uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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