I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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