I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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