I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
