You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
