The best revenge is premature balding
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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