I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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