tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
