Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
