Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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