exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sarcasm needs its own font
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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