distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
two words...techno handjob
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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