My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
