i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I did not marry a roomba.
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