Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
