I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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