We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
