hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
