I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize