fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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